‘I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth’. This phrase has become ubiquitous within any TV show where a courtroom scene is featured. It’s so familiar to us now that its significance can often be overlooked, yet at its heart lies the promise to speak with integrity. But in an age when 60 per cent of us can’t go ten minutes without lying, whether that’s a white lie or gargantuan fib, do we ever tell the whole truth? And should we?
I’ve just spent the last few weeks doing jury duty- oh the joys of being a grownup (according to the electoral register!) The whole experience fascinated me- just how many ways could one detail be analysed, how talented the lawyers really needed to be (and so many women- hooray!), how many times the judge could itch his wig before he realised that we were all staring… But the most captivating element of my time in court? How at ease many of the people- witnesses, defendants and barristers alike- seemed to be with lying. Despite taking an oath to speak honestly and with candour, once some of the questioned got going, there seemed to be no end to the lies coming out of their mouths. What was said, who was there, why their DNA was found at the scene… It seemed everybody within that courtroom had an agenda, and weren’t afraid to use any means, including lying, to reach it.
In his defense, the wig does look really itchy
Lying in court is perjury, a serious offense with the punishment of up to five years in prison. But what about those smaller lies we all tell- can they ever be acquitted? We fib to spare others’ feelings- ‘No of course you don’t look fat in that’, ‘I really am washing my hair tonight’- the list is endless. And in the same vein, we lie to make ourselves feel better; saying, ‘No, I chose to leave that job, I was unfulfilled there’ is easier than admitting you were made redundant, when the fact is still very raw. To me, neither are particularly wrong, but there are three golden rules when it comes to those little white lies:
- When it comes to clothes, if the person hasn’t bought the item yet, let the truth train roll in- they deserve your honesty about those jeans. But the second the denim hits the bottom of the shopping bag, keep your lips zipped. They clearly loved the trousers enough to buy them, so let them enjoy their purchase in peace.
- If you are once more putting off meeting someone with a little falsehood, ask yourself why. Is it that you genuinely don’t want to see that person? In which case, keep the lies flowing- the truth is far too cutting. But if the reality is that you just need a night in with Netflix, tell them. Even party queen Kate Moss has the occasional night off.
- Presents, the unequivocal landmine of the white lie. I go with the rule of familiarity. If the gift giver is anyone but a parent or partner, lie, lie, lie! The mere act of giving a present is thoughtful enough and it would be boorish to say anything but an effusive thank you. However, if you know the person well enough that they have once, or are currently, seeing you naked, if you really, truly hate the present, you can tactfully say something. After all, if they go on to believe you have a real affection for Garfield soft toys, you could be facing many years of feline related gifts.
It’s ok to stay in with a little Orange is the New Black every now and again
To me, the most important time we should never, ever tell a lie is to ourselves. We know that dress won’t ever fit again, so don’t pretend to yourself you’ll one day slim into it again- throw it out and buy a far nicer replacement! When were lace and sequins together ever a good idea anyway? And if you’re unhappy with a situation, don’t lie to yourself and pretend you’re happy to be treated that way. Admitting to yourself that something sucks is the first step to being considered in a way you deserve. Don’t be one of the 60 per cent, tell the truth whenever you can- even if it’s only in the mirror.
So am I a grown-up now? 